


A Complex Relationship

by J_E_McCormick



Category: Jurassic Park (1993), Jurassic Park (Movies), Jurassic World (2015)
Genre: Alan/Ellie is vaguely implied but not focused so I haven't tagged it, Gen, Lex Alan and Ellie are minorly featured and mentioned, very Tim centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-01-16 06:03:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12336933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_E_McCormick/pseuds/J_E_McCormick
Summary: "When the first Jurassic World adverts come onto TV, there is no warning, and Tim remembers his sister having her first paralysing panic attack in years. He feels his own hands shake, feels his stomach lurch in that way that comes from being dropped down from a cliff and into a tree.He knows they’re sharing the same, terrified, thoughts."(In 2005, 12 years after the incident at Jurassic Park, the brand new theme park Jurassic World opens to the public with much fanfare and excitement. 10 years sees the rise and fall of Jurassic World, and Tim Murphy's evolving thoughts and feelings on the park.)





	1. Aftershocks

**Author's Note:**

> I think I've actually been working on this fic in bits and pieces for the better part of a year or so. So far I have 8 pages, and still plenty more that I'm planning to cover. But, I've decided to start segmenting it and publishing it in parts, to hopefully give myself some inspiration to keep writing, and also because at this point I've written so much I want others to see it!!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it!

When the first Jurassic World adverts come onto TV, there is no warning, and Tim remembers his sister having her first paralysing panic attack in years. He feels his own hands shake, feels his stomach lurch in that way that comes from being dropped down from a cliff and into a tree. Their mother turns off the TV and does her best to calm Lex down, and Tim helps. They squeeze her hands gently, talk to her firmly but quietly, try to go through her breathing exercises. Tim makes sure he’s sat in front of her, where she’ll be able to see him, because he knows she gets scared for him and needs reassurance.

It takes her 5 minutes to acknowledge that she hears them, another 10 until her breathing is even halfway to normal. Their mother goes to get her some water and Tim stays sat in front of her, numb hands resting on her knees. She looks down at him with red-rimmed eyes and flushed cheeks.

He knows they’re sharing the same, terrified, thoughts.

~

Tim notices that Lex stops watching TV or listening to the radio after that. He thinks her therapist probably wouldn’t approve of it, but he understands. It’s hard for the worst nightmare of your life to be suddenly thrust into your face in every ad break. He mutes the television during the breaks, because the adverts have the rex’s roar and the last time he hadn’t, he’d barely made it to the bathroom in time to be sick.

He knows it’s not as bad for him as it is for Lex, but it hits him badly sometimes.

He gets antsy when he starts hearing people talk about it in college. Being that he’s studying palaeontology he really supposes he should have expected it, but he hadn’t. Some of the students are excited and going on about the possibilities and study opportunities – some are scoffing and bring up Jurassic Park to illustrate how it’s a bad idea. It’s not until he tells a group of them to knock it off one day that they seem to remember exactly who he is, that he was _there_ , and suddenly all discussions of Jurassic Park and Jurassic World become very hushed.

For a long time it’s everywhere. Every TV channel has an advert, every billboard has a poster, every shop has special offers and the news keeps reporting on it. Tim sees Ian being interviewed about it, hears mention of someone trying to contact Alan – he calls him up a little while after that and they talk. (It’s nice; Tim’s been busy studying and Alan has been busy with working and helping Ellie look after their kids, so they haven’t talked as often as they used to.) He hears people talking about it on the streets, from activists protesting to kids begging to go. It feels like he can’t go anywhere without it following him.

He has the worst nightmares he’s had since he was 14. Over the past few years they’ve been getting blurry and distant, and he only got them every few months or so. Now, he has one every week. They’re as sharp as the glass shards in his palms as he scrabbled in the mud, as clear as the texture of the rex’s skin just centimetres away from him through a rain-spattered window. He swears the ringing in his deaf ear gets louder, and sometimes his numb fingers buzz like electricity.

It’s exhausting. It feels like the past 12 years of his life, all the time and effort and stress and pain it took to slowly, slowly get over this has all been washed away. It feels like he’s back to square one, a 9 year old who is still trying to process a fresh trauma. His interest in his studies wanes, and he finds himself once again hiding away dinosaur memorabilia in his wardrobe and cupboards. He tries not to think hard on how he reverts to sleeping with the bedside lamp on and an old comfort toy in his arms.

He hates Jurassic World for bringing this all back, and he hates the world for making it impossible for him to escape it.

~

The first few months are the worst. In fact the whole first year is pretty rough. The advertisements don’t die down quickly, and as the park gets more and more visitors there is more and more excitement. Jurassic World becomes heralded as a success, is called “John Hammond’s vision come true” – Tim laughs at that. His grandfather had hated Jurassic Park. He hadn’t wanted to make another theme park after it. He doubts he’d want his name plastered on this.

He and Lex spend a lot of time talking about the whole thing together. Lex has started talking to her therapist again – she thinks Tim should contact his too, but he doesn’t really want to. He doesn’t think it would help him that much, anyway. His talks with her are enough. They talk to Alan and Ellie a lot too, and that’s even nicer. They even go over to visit them and meet Charlie and Samantha, which is quite nice. The kids are dino nuts, as is to be expected, but Tim manages to shove down his discomfort to humour them.

Honestly, it’s kind of funny watching this 7 year old girl go on about how she’s mad that her dinosaur toys don’t have feathers. Kind of reminds him of himself as a kid.

Alan clasps his shoulder and reminds him that he and Lex can call him any time if they need him. When they hug him goodbye he rubs their backs, his hand large and firm and warm, and it’s like being kids again. He feels a lot better after that visit, after the reconfirmation that the others are still there to help him.

He realises after a few months that he’s no longer hesitant to go to classes. His classmates don’t talk about it so much anymore, especially not after the teacher went off about the disgusting inaccuracies of the animals. In fact, there’s been quite a bit of animosity towards the whole thing since a press statement had a manager proudly proclaiming that they’d “learnt more through genetic engineering than centuries of digging up bones”. It feels kind of like a school rivalry, only it’s between the runners of a theme park and half the palaeontological community.

He catches up on all the news he’s missed. He pulls out his books on phylogeny and cladistics again, works on his homework and personal studies with as much enthusiasm as before. His stomach doesn’t turn at every mention of _Tyrannosaurus rex_ , and he writes up a study on the morphological changes between infant and adult dinosaurs based on fossil records. As long as dinosaurs stick to being bones, he thinks, he’s alright with them.

His nightmares start waning the next year, though they still have a clarity that unsettles him and leaves him sitting awake for hours. Jurassic World is no longer on every single news broadcast. The shops still have deals and the billboards still have posters, but they’ve become background noise to him, dismissed from his attention just like the old persistent ringing in his ear has been. He still mutes the ad breaks on TV, but the adverts no longer look like flashbacks to him. Lex lets him put the TV on when she visits.

It starts getting better, and Tim couldn’t be more grateful for it.

~

Jurassic World has been open for 3 years when Tim gets curious.

There’s been no incidents. No catastrophic fence failures. No breakdown of the computer systems. No major escapes – Tim heard that a Gallimimus chick managed to get out of the petting zoo area, but he can’t imagine that it caused that much trouble. There’s no mention of Velociraptors in the park, no-one eaten or mauled, no stampedes and no fences electrocuting children. Nothing.

Jurassic World seems to be running smoothly and suddenly Tim can’t help but wonder.

As a 9 year old, obsessed with dinosaurs and with nothing but books and his imagination to go on, Jurassic Park had sounded wonderful. It had been a dream. He’d been bouncing in his seat the whole way to the visitor centre to meet his grandpa, bugging the employee who’d been sent to fetch them with questions about which dinosaurs they had, and how big they were, and if you could pet them. He’d wondered what they would sound like, what they would look like. He was excited at the thought that he would be the first kid ever to see a real live dinosaur.

Of course, it hadn’t quite gone as he’d hoped. He was the first kid to ever see real live dinosaurs, yes, but he was also the first kid to be thrown into a tree by a T. rex, the first kid to be caught in a Gallimimus stampede, the first kid to be chased through a kitchen by Velociraptors. It hadn’t been the dream come true he’d thought it would be.

But… it hadn’t been all bad. He remembers the terror of seeing the rex loom down from above and crash through the sunroof to try and get to him, but he also remembers the awe of standing beside the sedated Triceratops, feeling her horns and her scales under his hand, feeling her warmth and hearing her breath. He remembers the paralysing fear of hearing the raptors close in on him, but he remembers the Brachiosaurs and their echoing song too. As much as there had been horror, there had been awe. No matter how much blood, there was still beauty. Even through the nightmare, there were glimpses of the dream.

Lex hadn’t been excited like he had. She hadn’t found the joy in the silhouettes of the Brachiosaurs against the sunset, or the feel of a Triceratops breathing under her hands. For her everything had been terrifying, a potential danger, but not for Tim. Some of his memories of the park were almost fond, some of them he looks back on with a smile.

So he finds himself curious. He wonders if maybe, this time, he could have all of those beautiful moments, without the terrifying ones.

He decides he’ll give it another year.

~

He ends up giving it two years.

It’s in part because after he finishes his degree and leaves university, palaeontology doctorate in hand, he spends a while finding work and getting settled in. He applies to work in the same museum as Alan and Ellie do and gets the job – it requires quite the move, but it’s worth it. The museum is closer to better dig sites anyway, and it is nice to be close to Alan and Ellie. They help him move into his new place, and Ellie reminds him that they’re just a phone call away. She smiles, and it’s the same smile as it was so many years ago, even if she’s got a few more wrinkles now.

He laughs because it feels like she’s mothering him, but it’s nice. He and Lex have always relied on the two to be pillars of support, and it’s nice to know that even 17 years after the events that brought them all together, they’re still there and standing strong. It suddenly occurs to him that he doesn’t really know how the announcement of Jurassic World had affected them; he’d been too caught up in himself to ever ask, and they hadn’t seen each other all that often. Still, he doesn’t think it would be a good idea to bring it up now.

He settles into his job quickly, and the fact that he’s working under Alan is a childhood dream come true. He’s introduced to the rest of the team, and quickly befriends them – there are two guys around his age, also fresh out of university, and he goes for drinks with them every other week. He finds that lunch breaks at the museum are surprisingly fun, and he always looks forward to sitting around in the common room drinking coffee and eating his sandwiches while chatting to staff – those in his department and outside it – and listening to the conversations around him. He doesn’t think he ever considered enjoying work as much as he does when he was a kid.

So it ends up being two years before Jurassic World really comes back into his mind. There still haven’t been any failures or incidents or escapes or deaths. Media attention flares up occasionally when they bring in a new attraction or announce new plans, but it’s no longer everywhere.

Tim’s curiosity festers. He doesn’t tell anyone – not Lex, not Alan, not Ellie. He’s not sure any of them would understand. Lex certainly wouldn’t, and she’d be terrified if she knew he was even thinking about it, so he makes sure to never mention it around her. Sometimes he wonders if Alan would understand, but ends up never saying anything to him, afraid that he would tell him it’s a stupid idea. After all, Alan had let curiosity get the better of him once before, and that had turned out disastrous.

He looks around the Internet, at the park’s website and social media sites. Promotional videos of Apatosaur herds and baby Gallimimus stick in his head. Photos from people who have visited, of all kinds of dinosaurs, of their kids riding baby Triceratops, of wide fields scattered with Stegosaurs and Pachycephalosaurs and Parasaurolophus. The images of the Innovation Centre, a huge building with education crammed into every corner, which looks like a big, high-tech museum exhibit, interest him.

The one that finally persuades him is a photo taken from a hotel balcony, overlooking the park. The sun is setting, and in the treeline are the silhouettes of Brachiosaurs. Tim can practically hear them singing.

He books a VIP ticket and makes his plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes:
> 
> -I headcanon Tim as being deaf in one ear and with nerve damage in his hands due to his electrocution on the fence. From what I can see, these are things that can definitely happen after a severe electric shock. I'm not sure if the deafness would be accompanied by tinnitus, but I would imagine it could well be, so I've referenced that as well.
> 
> -I'd really love to hear your guys' thoughts on this!! I'm uploading this now so that I have inspiration to keep writing the fic, and comments will definitely contribute to that going faster!!
> 
> -I am currently in university, and the time and inspiration to write this fic comes and goes sporadically, so further updates could definitely take a while. Don't worry though, I really want to finish this!!


	2. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flight to San Jose takes 6 hours. He reads over Jurassic World’s website again, looks at the reviews and the news, navigating his phone with buzzing fingertips. They’re still boasting a clear record, still no major incidents – a week ago the monorail had been down, a few months ago the hatchery had been shut to the public because of health worries, but other than that there have been no major malfunctions or failures or escapes.
> 
> It’s been five years. Nothing has happened. The park is safe. This isn’t the same. It’s been five years, nothing has happened, the park is safe. The park is safe. The park is safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaaaaaa here we are again! Took a while, but I wasn't certain of how I wanted to split this next part up. I've decided to focus on Tim's arrival to Jurassic World this chapter, and next chapter will be his experiences exploring it. Hope you enjoy!!

He very nearly talks himself out of it.

As he’s packing he thinks to himself of what Lex would say, how Alan and Ellie would worry and try to dissuade him. He thinks of the book Ian published about why Jurassic Park was a bad idea, and his interviews on Jurassic World where he repeats those views.

He gets to the airport and so nearly just gets back in the taxi and goes back home. He remembers the trip he and Lex took 17 years ago, on a private plane with an InGen employee sent to collect them. He remembers asking endless questions about the park and the dinosaurs, remembers a squabble with Lex because he didn’t think she had been excited enough.

He remembers the helicopter ride back to the Costa Rican mainland, waking up against Alan’s side, a warm arm around him, Lex’s hand holding his own. He remembers the exhaustion and the pain and the ringing in his ear that drowned out almost everything else. He swallows the memories and steps into the airport, making his way tediously through customs and to his gate.

He’s restless on the plane, fidgeting and uncertain, looking at his ticket over and over. The logo is exactly the same as Jurassic Park’s had been, only in silver and blue not red and gold and black. It doesn’t really help soothe his worries. He makes himself take deep breaths, sucks them in through his nose and lets them out through his teeth, quietly repeating a self-assuring mantra to himself. _It’s been five years. Nothing has happened. The park is safe. This isn’t the same._

The woman sitting next to him gives him a sympathetic smile and tells him she’s always hated flying, too. He doesn’t think telling her the real reason he’s nervous is a good idea, so he just smiles at her.

The flight to San Jose takes 6 hours. He reads over Jurassic World’s website again, looks at the reviews and the news, navigating his phone with buzzing fingertips. They’re still boasting a clear record, still no major incidents – a week ago the monorail had been down, a few months ago the hatchery had been shut to the public because of health worries, but other than that there have been no major malfunctions or failures or escapes.

_It’s been five years. Nothing has happened. The park is safe. This isn’t the same. It’s been five years, nothing has happened, the park is safe. The park is safe. The park is safe._

The mantra doesn’t help much, but looking at the park’s website does a little. They even have park cameras, and he spends a little while watching the bustle on Mainstreet. He opens up the picture of Brachiosaurs silhouetted against the setting sun, looks at it and reminds himself of what had made him want to come. He remembers the way they sang, the warm, rough skin under his palm, the docile eyes and gentle breaths. He remembers how the Brachiosaur had sneezed on Lex and chuckles to himself a little. It reminds him that he’s not there for the thrill most others are; he’s there for that beauty, to recapture those happy, wonderful moments without the gaps between being filled with horror. Maybe a little part of him is there to face his fears, too. His therapist had recommended something similar once, told him to go and stand in front of a T. rex display mount and just stay there, remind himself it had no power to hurt him now.

The plane lands, and the woman next to him gives him an encouraging smile – again, he smiles back. He puts his ticket back in his bag, and prepares to disembark.

~

During the ferry ride he at least has the cool sea breeze against his skin to help calm and ground him. The boat is packed, full of people and chatter, and that’s a little reassuring too. His visit to Jurassic Park had been a test run – Jurassic World has been tried and tested for the past five years, and it’s held up so far. He looks at the kids bouncing with excitement, at the couples talking and the friend groups laughing, and for a moment he wonders how many of them remember Jurassic Park. The media storm had been big, no matter how much InGen had tried to keep it under wraps – Ian had made very sure of that. The whole world had been taken by storm by the reveal of an island full of dangerous, man-eating dinosaurs. It had gone on for months.

But he wonders how many here remember it, really. Some of the people are his age or younger – would they remember the news that broke when they were 7, 8, 9? Tim remembers it because he lived it, because he couldn’t forget it if he tried; but for other kids his age, would it matter? He doesn’t remember being very interested in the news as a child. The dinosaurs might have piqued his interest, but most of the news – at first at least – had nothing to do with them and more to do with the lawsuits and deaths. Would he remember it now, at 26 years of age, if his mother had just been following the news on television rather than fighting press away from their house? Others are older, and he imagines they know of Jurassic Park, remember that some tragedy happened there, but does it matter to them? Did they understand the magnitude? Did the death toll of 4 people – more, really, but the attention had been focused on the incident, not the multiple faceless, nameless employees who fell to the dinosaurs during the park’s construction and first months – mean anything, really, if you didn’t know anything of the horror of that island?

It occurs to him then, not for the first time, that for everyone else, Jurassic Park was just a news story and a court case, not a trauma, not a nightmare they had for years, not a near death experience or the destruction of the safe world they knew. Other people, people who weren’t him or Lex or Alan or Ellie or Ian, weren’t kept up at night by this news. He’s known this a while, known it since he talked to people who mentioned the park casually, like some long-ago, far-away event, without knowing he was there – but right now, on a boat full of people willingly making their way to Isla Nublar, with their children and partners and loved ones in tow, it really hits him.

Something else hits him when he looks up and sees the outline of Nublar slowly becoming clear as they draw close. The view is a little different from the sea, rather than the air, but the island still looks the same, tall and lush with greenery. He recognises the mountain ridges, remembers laughing as the helicopter tipped and dropped down the wind sheers, making Lex shriek.

That had been nothing compared to the terror in her voice when the T. rex came crashing through the sunroof. Nothing compared to the scream he heard in the seconds before he lost consciousness after the fence turned on under his hands.

He focuses on the ocean breeze and the cold of the handrail beneath his palms. The sounds of the waves and people talking is enough to cover his tinnitus. He realises that he didn’t really consider the consequences of this trip – he’s done therapy to deal with the memories, to deal with the little everyday things that used to trigger flashbacks, to deal with pictures and models and sounds, but never has he come close to this island again. He hadn’t even thought about the island as part of the problem, and now he’s on a boat and it’s looming ever closer and it’s somehow just as frightening as the dinosaurs were. He’s been able to deal with pictures and sometimes even videos of the dinosaurs, but now he wonders if seeing them face-to-face is going to be something completely different, something he’s not prepared for.

He supposes that he can’t do anything about it now, and breathes deep as the ferry approaches the dock.

~

Stepping onto the island and not immediately dying soothed a little of Tim’s nerves. The monorail is sleek and modern, and crowded, nothing like the old Jeep attraction. He experiences another jolt of that strange fear feeling when they pass through huge gates with ‘JURASSIC WORLD’ emblazoned above them, a seeming homage to the original park, but again it fades. He wonders why on earth they’d want to remind people of that nightmare place, but he supposes most people weren’t there and didn’t pass through that gate. He still wonders why the park designers would keep anything from the disastrous first attempt.

Mainstreet is crowded. People are going from attraction to attraction, kids are yelling and running, the announcement system speaks calmly over everything. Jurassic Park had never gotten this far, had all still been in construction when Tim visited, the Visitor’s Centre still half covered in scaffolding. But this park is shiny and polished and there are people everywhere. The noise and bustle of it is oddly calming, and Tim realises he has always associated Jurassic Park with being alone, with being trapped in the middle of nowhere with only his sister and a man he really barely knew, with shivering and screaming in the wreckage of a car. Being stood in the sun, people jostling his shoulders, is far removed from that. That helps.

At the end of Mainstreet is the Innovation Centre. It’s huge, far bigger than the Visitor’s Centre Tim remembers. It stretches up into the sky like a pyramid, grand and tall. Tim wanders in filled with awe, amazed by the majestic exterior and then by the dazzling interior, packed with screens and displays. He wanders by each one, reading over each of them for as long as he can without kids coming to play the games. He recognises a mascot that he saw on pieces of merchandise and a video that the employee sent to collect him and Lex from the helipad had shown him in a vain attempt at getting him to shut up for five minutes. There’s a little theatre with screens, currently showing some video on the Cretaceous extinction, where kids are crowded and watching with rapt attention, and an area with one of those false digs Tim remembers loving as a kid when he went to museums.

He passes by the entrance to the Hammond Creation Lab and its statue of his grandfather. He pauses for a moment, looking up at it. A little plaque declares John Hammond as the visionary founder of InGen, a dreamer who envisioned an impossible adventure and made it possible, and fashions the park as that dream come true. Tim feels his stomach twist a little when their “fun facts” proclaim that his grandfather’s favourite dinosaur had been the _T. rex_. InGen, Masrani, whoever ran these companies now, whoever ran the park, hadn’t known Hammond. He’d wanted Nublar destroyed, and though Sorna had been a pet project of his, after that had gone south too he’d relinquished all hopes for everything pertaining to Jurassic Park. That’s why he’d sold it all on to Masrani.

His grandfather had been proud of his achievements, had always argued that now the dinosaurs were there they should be left, observed, studied, but even he knew when to give up, and he’d given up on any idea of human and saurian cohabitation. They were a curiosity to observe and an accomplishment under his belt, but not much else.

Tim takes a while to wander around the Innovation Centre, enjoying the air of curiosity, the feel of a learning environment. Since he got his degree he’s enjoyed teaching kids, inspiring them the way he’d been inspired, and this place warms him in that same way even as he sneers at an exhibit on “neopalaeontology”. He marvels at the holo-display in the centre as kids excitedly bring up images of various dinosaurs – a Parasaurolophus, an Apatosaurus, a Maiasaura – and considers for a moment texting Lex, who he knows is always interested in cool new tech. He decides against it because he doesn’t want to scare her.

He hears a kid clamouring for control of the display, shouting “Velociraptor, I wanna see the Velociraptor!” excitedly, and he shivers a little. The name has never stopped bringing an unpleasant creep of anxiety up his spine, but that’s all it does to him now.

He goes cold when the docile image of a young Triceratops plodding around the centre display flickers into a hissing, leaping monster from his nightmares. For a moment, it’s not a hologram, blue and transparent and flickering a little – it’s there, flesh and teeth, bobbing its head as it sniffs the air and then lets out a bark, _“Timmy, what is it?” “It’s a Velociraptor…”, claws tapping on kitchen tiles, he can hear their breath, hear soft growls as they approach and any minute now it’ll see him_ …

It’s his first flashback in almost 5 years, his first since those early advertisements came on TV and sent him back to the cold and the rain and the mud and the rex and the screaming. There hasn’t been anything on the news or the adverts or the website about Velociraptors, and though those nightmares had returned with the others, they had felt just a little more distant. He’d thought they’d learnt their lesson, that maybe they’d had the sense to give up on ever trying to bring the Velociraptors back, but now he isn’t sure. He hadn’t even considered that he’d find anything relating to the Velociraptors here, and now he realises that was naïve.

He stumbles through to the bathrooms and splashes his face with cold water and spends a few minutes locked in a stall counting breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -The InGen employee I keep referencing is Ed Regis! I've long decided to give him a cameo appearance in my Jurassic Park headcanons. I've written plenty of fics where he's referenced as the employee to collect Tim and Lex and babysit them until they get handed over to Hammond.
> 
> -I really loved the idea of Tim stood in front of a T. rex mount during some kind of CBT exercise. I imagine it as similar to the one in my home city Oxford, which has a skeletal mount and a head reconstruction: http://www.oxfordtimes.co.uk/resources/images/2814206/
> 
> -Once again, reviews and feedback hugely appreciated! I'm quite liking this fic but I want to hear how you guys are liking it too :)


	3. The Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He scans until he finds the Gentle Giants Petting Zoo. It’s kid-friendly, and therefore probably pretty safe, and the idea of petting a baby Triceratops is fairly appealing to him. There are other attractions he thinks he might consider, like the Gyrosphere, or the Gallimimus Valley Tour. Some of the others look tame enough – like the Cretaceous Cruise – but the thought of being near the larger dinosaurs with no physical barrier makes his skin crawl a little, and he decides he’s not brave enough for those. Besides, he only has so much time, and with how packed the place seems to be he’s expecting long queues.
> 
> For now, he decides to head towards the Petting Zoo and hope the sight of cute baby dinosaurs rekindles his interest in this trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay! My second year at uni is keeping me plenty busy, and I had a while where I'd written myself into something of a corner for this chapter, but i think I've finally fixed the problem and figured out how to make it read the way I want it to. I've also managed to get a bit of the next chapter written out and ready, so hopefully the next chapter won't take quite so long.
> 
> Now that it's finally here, I hope you enjoy!

Once he’s recovered a little, Tim hurries out of the Innovation Centre and to the nearest park map infopoint. He goes over it thoroughly, taking in each exhibit over and over. There is no raptor enclosure, no sign of there being live raptors on the island. The hologram was probably of the raptors on Sorna, the ones running wild and very carefully isolated. It doesn’t quite soothe him, but it’s a good thing regardless.

There is a rex enclosure though, right next to the Innovation Centre. The infopoint boasts about ‘feeding shows’ and Tim thinks of the dismembered limb of a goat bleeding onto the sunroof of the Jeep and feels a little ill.

He scans until he finds the Gentle Giants Petting Zoo. It’s kid-friendly, and therefore probably pretty safe, and the idea of petting a baby Triceratops is fairly appealing to him. There are other attractions he thinks he might consider, like the Gyrosphere, or the Gallimimus Valley Tour. Some of the others look tame enough – like the Cretaceous Cruise – but the thought of being near the larger dinosaurs with no physical barrier makes his skin crawl a little, and he decides he’s not brave enough for those. Besides, he only has so much time, and with how packed the place seems to be he’s expecting long queues.

For now, he decides to head towards the Petting Zoo – and stop off at the snack stand that’s apparently on the way, get a very cold drink to steady him and fight the heat – and hope the sight of cute baby dinosaurs rekindles his interest in this trip.

~

At the petting zoo, the atmosphere somehow feels a lot lighter. Possibly because it’s filled with the voices of children, laughing and talking and occasionally a fussing toddler. Tim still feels a little like every hair is on end, like he’s a live nerve a bit too close to being touched, but seeing families with children makes the place feel a little more secure. He sips at his water, taking his time to slowly approach the enclosures.

In one of them, young Triceratops have soft saddles strapped to them and young children riding on them, grinning and waving for photos. The Triceratops themselves are very chubby looking, and have the funny proportions of young juveniles of the species; little brow horns that curve back, a small flat frill with bony epoccipitals still framing it, and a nasal horn that is still little more than a stub. They trundle along with all the enthusiasm of donkeys, occasionally huffing or fidgeting or deciding to stop to chew on a bit of hay. They seem docile enough, and fairly sweet, though Tim wonders if they shouldn’t be with the adult herds.

In another is the petting zoo proper. Multiple species mingle together, along with the children and parents there to pet them. There are a few Trikes, much smaller than the ones being ridden, still with only little nubs for horns and barely any frill. Small Gallimimus flitter around, all legs, simultaneously looking graceful while seeming stumbling and clumsy. It’s a little odd to see them without feathers, Tim thinks; he’s always imagined them to have the same downy fluff of cygnets, but these ones have dull, scaly skin. There are a few young Apatasaurs too, using their long necks to snatch food being held out to other animals.

It doesn’t quite soothe the frazzled ends of his mind, but they’re certainly not threatening in the slightest. He pays for a little of the pellets and hay to feed to the animals, and makes his way to a quieter corner of the pen. One Apatosaurus pads after him, and keeps trying to stick its head through his arms or between his legs to get at the pellets as he sits down.

“Alright, alright, buddy. Here you go.” Tim chuckles, opening his hand and offering out the pellets on his palm. The Apatosaurus’ tongue unfurls from its mouth, licking up some of the pellets before scooping more up with its teeth. It seems quite happy to settle there, docile and quiet as it takes its time eating the pellets. Tim reaches out with his free hand to pat the top of its head, the side of its neck. It’s rather similar to his experience with the Brachiosaur, before; the warm, rough scales under his hand, the gentle eyes looking at him. The baby lets out a sound, like an odd moo, and noses against his palm in the search of more pellets.

“Afraid I don’t have any more of those. I have some hay, if you’d like it.” Tim smiles as the juvenile dinosaur butts its head against his shoulder in search of more food. When he reaches down to get the small bundle of hay he’d been given, he finds the head of a young Gallimimus, taking advantage of his distraction to stick its head into his lap and steal hay. It squawks and scurries off. “Aw, sorry, didn’t know you were there.” Tim splits the hay in half, leaving some of it resting in his lap. The little Gallimimus hasn’t gone far, and stands watching him anxiously. He turns so that he’s not looking at it directly, offering up the other half of the hay to the Apatosaurus, who sniffs at the hay and seems happy enough to tuck into it.

The Gallimimus chick hesitantly makes its way back over, and Tim watches as it takes hesitant step after hesitant step until it can reach in and again start stealing the hay from him. He chuckles softly and lets it get on with it, returning his attention to the Apatosaurus who is much more content to be petted. There’s something about seeing this little creature, more scared of him than he is of it, that reminds him that these are animals, just like any others; not monsters, bloodthirsty and always on the prowl, always a danger. They are just animals, surviving.

Violently, perhaps, in some cases, but that’s all they’re trying to do; survive in the alien world they’ve been thrown into.

He spends a little longer there, letting the two juveniles have their fill and mill around as long as they’re happy to. He ponders on the terms for them – he thinks that “calf” suits the Apatosaurus, and “chick” was reflexively used looking at the Gallimimus – and how they are cared for. How much do they need to eat a day? Did either of them imprint, or rely on dependent care for their early lives? He feels the Apatosaurus’ breathing under his hand, slow and steady, attempts to find a pulse or heartbeat to measure, but the young creature seems to take offense to that and wanders off to find more food with a huff.

Tim looks over to the Gallimimus chick, affecting a disappointed sigh. “Guess it’s just me and you now.” He says. The Gallimimus chirps, tilts its head at him, and is promptly distracted when another chick attempts to sneak its way into the scraps of hay, prompting a squabble. Tim watches them for a little while, cataloguing behaviour – they remind him of little naked emus, rearing back, hitting their necks together and nipping with their beaks – before deciding to vacate the petting zoo. His nerves have been calmed suitably, and his curiosity awoken again; his desire to see these dinosaurs in a professional capacity, as well as one of personal interest.

He decides to indulge in an ice-cream on his way out as well. Might as well get a 99 Flake with the deal, and he can justify it as a way to beat the heat.

~

Tim wanders for a little while as he eats his ice-cream, looking at the various areas and attractions. None of the enclosures can really be seen from the park proper – apart from the hotels, which overlook the main herbivore paddock. The monorail also seems to pass through a few of them, and Tim considers doing a full lap of the park before he heads back to the ferry. First though, he thinks he'll take a ride on the Gyrospheres.

The ride boasts state of the art, top of the line, scientifically tested plexiglass for the Gyrospheres themselves. They assure that it’s impossible for them to broken open by force – indirectly, that no dinosaurs will be able to break them open – and that safety is paramount. Tim can’t help wondering how one would get out of it, in the case of an emergency. The video playing on the screens dotted around the queue also talk about the invisible fences system; something to do with implants put in each of the dinosaurs that prevent them from crossing the borders set by the park designers.

_What happens if the implants break? Presumably the implants administer shocks – what if those aren’t enough of a deterrent? Could the dinosaurs remove an implant?_

_If the power goes down, do the borders stop responding?_

Tim ponders over security issues, and eats his icecream. Ten minutes into the half hour line, he’s finished it all, and moves on to sipping the bottle of water he bought earlier. It’s gone lukewarm now, and that’s a little nasty, but it’s something to do, something to occupy his hands with while he waits. He twists the cap off, sips, twists the cap back on, runs his nails over the texture of the grooves, and repeats. He’s emptied the bottle by the time he gets to the front of the line.

The ride will drive itself along a predetermined track unless he tries to steer it, which leaves Tim free to watch and observe. He wishes he had a way to turn Jimmy Fallon off though. He settles into the seat of the ride, nods to the poor park employee who bids him a fun ride and looks like he’d rather be anywhere else but here, and turns his attention to the world outside the glass.

For a little while it’s just grass and trees and the happy Jimmy Fallon voiceover telling him he’s about to journey back to the Jurassic – he absentmindedly notes that Triceratops are a Cretaceous species, as are Parasaurolophus and Gallimimus – and Tim’s not sure if that’s soothing or nervewracking. Being out here, in the park, not able to see the dinosaurs, sets him on edge; he can feel the hairs on the back of his neck raise, and he resists the urge to twist in his seat and look around.

At least if something tries to step on the Gyrosphere, Tim’s fairly certain it won’t flatten and crush him under a seat.

The nerves fade out as he sees the head of a Brachiosaur rise up above the treetops. For a moment he’s nine, staring out as domed head after domed head pokes out from the foliage, chewing gently on leaves, singing a soft song into the dusk. He remembers the picturesque moment, watching them graze from the safety of a treetop. Lex had been trembling beside him, Alan a firm, steady presence at his back.

It’s always that moment that draws him back. That moment of beauty, of awe, of absolute wonder. A few magnificent creatures that reminded him then, remind him _now_ , of why he loves dinosaurs. Why he’s trained to study their bones, why the idea of seeing real, living, breathing dinosaurs used to sound so good on paper. Why it still, sometimes, sounds good in practice. If only people could be content with the beauty and didn’t want the teeth and claws and thrill.

The Gyrosphere rolls closer to the Brachiosaur, between a few tree trunks and into a clearing. Tim stares up in awe at three Brachiosaurs, looming tall over the small glass ball, picking at the leaves on the trees. He had never been on the ground around them, never quite felt their size, the bulk of them when they are more than just casted bones. He has to crane his neck up to see their heads as they straighten their necks and peer down at him as he rolls past. There is a long, high sound that slides down into a low rumble – that same singing Tim has always treasured, a call between the animals. Another sounds, the note lifting and falling in a slightly different tune.

He marvels at them as they communicate back and forth, casting their gentle gazes about before moving over to another copse. They looked almost to move in slow motion, each step long and slow and graceful, making less of a thundering than Tim thinks he expected as each foot lands. Their necks bob forwards and back with their movements, a gentle sway that makes Tim think a little of birds. He watches them as they pass behind him and his Gyrosphere keeps rolling, onwards into a large mixed herd.

One or two Triceratops are lying down, watching over the rest of the herd as they rest, large frills turning back and forth like satellite dishes. A few other Triceratops are wrestling with their horns, knocking them together and butting their heads back and forth while others graze. Tim can see from the slight back curve of their horns that they’re juveniles, youngsters learning and playing, roaring at each other and pretending to display, tipping their heads forward and shaking the frill back and forth.

Tim ponders on the thought that likely, Jurassic World has gone the same way as the Park before it, and made all its animals females. He wonders if perhaps the females display more than males. Or perhaps it’s not a sexual division – perhaps males and females would both show these behaviours.

It’s impossible to know – InGen’s science is for profit and gain, not research, as much as they sometimes like to pretend otherwise, and there’s little merit in these cloned animals that are so far removed from the real thing. Tim mourns the possibilities, wasted and lost, as he pulls back on the steering joystick of the Gyrosphere, pulling it to a slow stop.

A few Stegosaurs lumber past, plates swaying with their movements, the tips of their tails curling and circling, thagomizers on display. He watches one of them nudge around a few stones with her beak before picking one up and swallowing it. Another swings its tail in warning at a juvenile Triceratops who romps a little too close. A small distance away, a group of Parasaurolophus alternately graze and lift their heads on watch.

The herd is an unnatural one, three species separated over 86 million years, but it seems to function. It’s amazing to see them, at ease and grazing, playing, resting. To hear the rumbles and roars and cries, the different cadences and tones, foreign sounds from an extinct world. Tim breathes and takes in the trumpeting of the Parasaurs, the gentle sway of the Stegosaurs, the playful wrestling of the Triceratops. He doesn’t even have to tune out the ringing of his deaf ear.

Jurassic World has beauty. Just as the Park did, even after every moment of terror, every flash of sharp teeth, every hard beat of his heart as he thought he might die. Beyond all of that, there are beautiful creatures, awe-inspiring, ambling their way across modern plains nothing like their own, living and breathing before his eyes.

Tim thinks this trip was worth it all, just to remind himself of this.

~

Tim spends a little time loitering around the herd until the Gyrosphere kicks into autodrive to take him back to the ride dock. He smiles and nods to the employee that helps him disembark – still looking like they want to be elsewhere – and makes his way with the crowd back to the main plaza.

He stops by one of the restaurants for a burger. It’s ridiculously overpriced, but he’s hungry and part of him takes childish delight in chowing down on a Bronto-Burger™. He wonders idly what non-avian dinosaur meat actually tastes like as he chews – would a Brontosaurus taste like beef? He reckons Gallimimus tastes like ostrich, which he’s never had but his friend Kris has. When he’s finished at the restaurant he goes to poke about in the gift shop, just because he’s never been able to resist dinosaur themed merchandise. The only decent thing he can find is a book published by the American Museum of Natural History, which he incidentally already owns, and a mug with a print of the promotional image of the Brachiosaurs at sunset.

He buys the mug. It’s a beautiful photo.

He decides the day has been long enough. He’ll do a lap of the monorail, then head back to the ferry and ship himself off back home. He’s seen what he came to see, satisfied his curiosity – he’ll be happy to be off the island again. Back to the world where dinosaurs are dead and he has only bones to admire.

The monorail main station is, of course, right next to the T. Rex Kingdom entrance. Tim can’t help drifting to a stop in front of the grand entrance, with its sign that proclaims the time of the next feeding show and speakers playing dramatic music.

He thinks again to his therapist, who told him to face his fears by standing beneath a _T. rex_ mount. Remembers being 12, shaking as he stared up at the plaster-cast bones, holding his ground until the tension soothed away and he could breathe without feeling like he might throw up at any moment.

He could go in to the viewing station. He could watch a feeding show, take it in from a safe distance, from behind safe glass, stay there again until the fear ebbed away. He bets his therapist would be proud of him if he did. Out of all the things on the island, the _T. rex_ is the one that scared him most, left him with the deepest scars. The sheer power of it, the feeling of its steps shaking the ground, the roar that seized his heart up and made his blood go cold – all those things that gave him nightmares even to this day. He could step in there and try to face them.

He thinks of facing the beast again, knowing it is the same creature from years ago, and shivers. Some hysterical part of his brain wonders if it would recognise him, try to finish the job, do its best to get through the glass to finally get him...

No. He won’t be going to the show. He can’t bear it.

Instead he turns right and heads on to the monorail main hub, still with a faint buzz of nerves running through him.

It’s time to leave the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Take a look at a Triceratops ontogeny series!! These things are mad with how much they change as they grow.
> 
> -I hope you guys like the fun facts that I keep throwing in - as a palaeo nerd myself, it's fun to include them.
> 
> -As always, feedback is always appreciated!! I'm sure this chapter wasn't worth the wait, but I still look forward to what you guys think of it regardless :)


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